Disconcerting Dream

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant. That's not so strange because (1) It happens. (2) I recently learned a dear friend has a bun in her oven. And (3) a fellow female lawyer and I joked just yesterday that we should show up to the office on Halloween dressed as pregnant Erin Brockoviches. Because we're of the unmarried variety, and that's a little confusing around here.

But, ok, the totally whack part of the dream is that I was pregnant with... (gulp) a cat. A CAT!! Not only was I pregnant with a cat, but I actually gave birth to the cat. And imagine that I was actually all concerned that it would come out deformed because I'd been on the pill during its development. Nevermind a deformity, crazy sleeping self, it's A CAT! I don't know if I knew it was a cat all along, or if I only discovered it post-birth, but either way I don't remember being too perplexed by its furry four-legged form. Maybe I was even relieved (less responsibility)? To make matters worse, I suffered a bout of postpartum depression. I'm not making this up.

riDICKulous

A lady up in Canada was recently compelled to complain to IKEA about a photo in its catalogue, which -thanks to some Freudian shadows- makes a dog's leg look like a giant human penis. While it's pathetic anyone would give a damn about the phallic mirage, IKEA's response is hilarious ~ They've assured customers it's only a leg ("See, see, the bulbous formation is actually a doggy knee. Swear!") while urging them to focus on all the cool products for sale instead of the giant dong.

p.s. Wikipedia's "penis" page is NSFW! What? This post required exhaustive research.

Counterintuitive

Caption: huh?

Can someone please explain to me why Chicagoans insist on piling on needless layers of clothing at even the itsby bitsy teeny weeniest sign of cooler weather? We're talking a 10 degree dip here, ladies. Even when the high still nears 80, if the morning is brisk you can count on seeing many a girl donned in absurd garb like scarves, jeans-tucked-into knee-boots, wool caps (no joke!) and leather jackets or long coats. We're talkin' *all*of*the*above*on*one*person, not just a scattered smattering. My friend swears she saw someone already sporting a puffy coat. I want to find that girl and throw paint on her. It makes no sense, but so help me I want to do it.

I get that most Chicagoans own an inordinate amount of cool winter gear. I get that, but I daresay we will all have plenty of time to show it off. As in EIGHT months. No need to jump the gun, eager beavers. I'm just sayin'.